Where do I begin? Check out my facebook page for pictures of Italy. I have so many stories to tell, but right now there are more pressing issues on my heart.

What is love? It's always seemed so clear to me. I can give you all the cliche answers, but do I really know what love is? Furthermore, do I love? Do I love always? For the past year, I've been learning so much about so many cool Jesus-things.... Healing, tongues and prophecy, faith that is deep and lasting, offering all that I have, allowing God to bless me, finding balance and contentment in a crazy world, and so much more. I've been overwhelmed with the depths of God's love. It's beyond what I can fathom.

For the first time in my life, I had an "ah-ha!" moment when reading I Corinthians 13. For some reason, it just clicked. It made sense. I've been so selfish lately. I've only been concerned with protecting my heart, not being vulnerable, not getting my hopes up, not trusting too much, making sure I don't emotionally invest in something that might cause me pain, being angry with other people for their mistakes, justifying my anger based on their wrongdoing, cutting myself off from people who have hurt me and might hurt me again, wanting healing NOW, proving that I am successful... the list goes on. It's kind of rediculous, actually. Where did my love go? I put up a barrier with the intention of "guarding my heart," and in reality, that barrier has created a dangerous environment that is lacking love.

I want to love. I'm realizing that the act of love is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

Now read I Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I'm leaving for Rome in four days! Wow...reality hasn't hit me yet. How did this happen? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that I caught myself in a late-afternoon dream-land and decided to blog about it? Within two weeks of that post, the opportunity to go to Italy practically jumped into my lap. God is crazy. He is abundantly pouring out blessings in my life, and my heart is overwhelmed. Praise Him!

The details....

Jen and I, along with Mike and Joe, are leaving Saturday afternoon for Rome. After a whirlwind of tourist attractions (Sistine Chapel, Colosseum, St. Peter's, Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain, Pantheon), we'll take a Tuesday train to the heart of Tuscany. After a few days in Florence, we head further north to Venice where we'll spend the rest of the trip. We'll arrive back in the States late Saturday night with blistered feet, hours of stories, memories that will last a lifetime, and hopefully a few pairs of Italian leather shoes!

I'm most excited about watching the sunset while enjoying a picnic dinner on Janiculum Hill (overlooking Rome), sipping espresso in a little cafe on a side street (in any of the three cities), exploring the Tuscan countryside on foot, and dressing up for an elegant dinner by the water in Venice.

How is this happening? I don't have enough words to describe just how crazy this feels. I'm living my dreams! ...but how does that happen? I feel so blessed and so undeserving to have such an opportunity.

In addition, God has worked in so many amazing ways throughout the planning process. He's healed broken hearts, mended relationships, and set captive hearts free. :-) Healing is beautiful.

Today marks the one year anniversary of starting this journey of healing. I'm pet sitting at Uncle Kevin and Aunt Michelle's house. Pet sitting. I still can't get over it. It was 12 months ago that I was on 5 medications, 2 shots weekly, and still avoiding animals like the plague. Hopeless. Hurting. Weary. Lacking faith.

Now I rejoice daily for my health. Oftentimes, I'm overwhelmed by God. My mind cannot comprehend his power and love. My God heals. MY GOD HEALS!

So many sleepless night, wondering if this sickness was the will of God for my life.
So many moments paralyzed with fear, wondering if life would always be like this.
So many hopeless doctors appointments, wondering if my condition would continually worsen for the rest of my life.

My God heals. Do you hear me, Christian? My God heals! :-)

In other news, I'm going to Italy in five weeks. It's all God, just so you know. He's crazy like that.

Praise Him!

Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

I want to go to Italy. ....start in Sicily and head north, hitting all the major cities. And maybe by the time I get to Venice, I'll want to stay in Europe forever. :-) I just need three months, a backpack of essentials, and a few really close friends. (Oh yeah... and money!)

I was so incredibly encouraged by the Psalms today. I was struggling, so I went to the Psalms, determined to stay there until my heart connected with one. Well, my heart connected with one... and then another... and I just couldn't get out. (love it!)

Psalm 27

The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I see: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD

Supernatural Healing

(Note: The following are key verses. It's always more beneficial to read within the context of the passage. It just didn't seem practical to post entire passages on here.)

John 10:10-- The theif comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Concerning the death of Lazarus (John 11)
vs. 4--When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. no, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
vs. 40--Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

John 14:12-14--I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Ephesians 3:20-21-- Now unto him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Exodus 15:26b--...for I am the Lord who heals you.

Psalm 103:2-3--Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.

Psalm 30:2--O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

Psalm 84:11--For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Hebrews 13:8--Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4:18--The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, becuase the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclain freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.

Matthew 14:14--When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

Luke 5:17b--And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick.

Luke 9:1--When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.

Acts 28:8-9--His father was sick in bed, suffering from fever and dysentery. Paul went in to see him and, after prayer, placed his hands on him and healed him. When this had happened, the rest of the sick on the island came and were cured.

James 5:14-16--Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Mark 11:22-25--"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have recieved it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

I don't quite understand how we got from this (all the verses above) to praying prayers such as:

"Lord, please heal them. But if you don't, give them peace while they suffer."

"Lord, please give them strength to endure this hardship."

"Lord, bring comfort to this family as they help (family member) through this time."

"Lord, thank you for afflicting me with this degenerative disease. Now I will be better able to minister to other people that are suffering from this same degenerative disease."

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP. Sure, those are all nice prayers, but is that what we really want? Do we really just want some comfort? We say that we believe that the God we serve is able to heal. But we act as if it's going to take God (all-powerful) tremendous amounts of labor to heal someone, IF he can figure out how to do it. I used to function this way. And even now, many times my faith is limited by my worldly knowledge of disease. Why do we pray sissy prayers? Because they are easy.

I admit, I sometimes think that I need to protect God's reputation with my prayers. What if I pray like this? --"In the name of Jesus, I command that this body function how you designed it to function. I ask that you heal this body and rid it of all sickness and disease." What if the person dies? Then my all-powerful God who came to heal the sick (and has given me power and authority to do the same) has not come through for me, and I have embarrassed myself and my God. Well, guess what? It is NOT my responsibility to protect God's reputation. Refer back to John 14:14--I will do anything you ask in my name so the Son may bring glory to the Father.

It is my responsibility to pray in faith, believing that God will do what he has promised. I have no right to expect God to heal if my prayer is only, "God, please heal them. But if you don't, give them peace while they suffer."

Beth, my faith is small. It's feeble. But it's growing. I'm learning how to pray. I'm learning how to believe. I'm praying constantly for your healing. I want to see God glorified. I am praying for a miracle. (Exceedingly, abundantly beyond anything we can think or imagine). I love you.

I started reading, "A Cancer Battle Plan" last night. As I read, I think about all of the people I know (or know of) who are afflicted with this horrific disease, and I am filled with hope.

Probability of developing invasive cancer, US, 2001-2003*
*American Cancer Society
All sites: Male--1 in 2
All sites: Female--1 in 3
Breast: Female--1 in 8
Prostate: Male--1 in 6
Colon and Rectum: Male--1 in 17
Colon and Rectum: Female--1 in 19

Cancer. It's a scary word. People hear it and they think "death." Most often, it destroys life (or at least the quality of life). It's truly a mystery to the general public. "...a thunderbolt of fate, striking at random with no cure or cause." Is it really though? How often do you hear, "Oh, that causes cancer." It seems like everything these days causes cancer. Is there a cause-and-effect relationship between lifestyle choices (environment, diet, etc.) and cancer ? Of course! But is it definable? And is it possible (or practical) to live a life of cancer prevention or reversal? That's what I am going to find out.

Thinking outside the box:
"Degenerative diseases are not caused by viruses, bacteria, or parasites, but by the body's inadequate metabolic response to a condition in which the cells of the body are being slowly poisoned by too many of the wrong things or not enough of the right things at the right times."
--Dr. Harold W. Harper

"I am more than ever convinced that bio-chemistry and metabolic science will be victorious in healing degenerative diseases, including cancer, if the whole body or the whole metabolism will be attacked and not the sympotoms." --Dr. Max Gerson

"What if cancer is a systematic, chronic, metabolic disease of which lumps and bumps constitute only symptoms? Will this not mean that billions of dollars have been misspent and that the basic premisese on which cancer treatment and research are grounded are wrong? Of course it will, and in decades to come a perplexed future generation will look back in amazement on how current medicine approached cancer with the cobalt machine, the surgical knife, and the introduction of poisons into the system and wonder if such brutality really occurred." --Harold W. Harper, M.D., and Michael L. Culbert